I’ve said that in 2016 I want to write posts that are more personal, and really claim this blog as my own. So, here it is.
Why is it that when I see people commenting on other’s bodies I get so offended? ‘She’s too skinny, she needs to eat more.’ ‘He’s so fat, why doesn’t he just lose weight?’ ‘Her boobs are too big.’ ‘She needs a nose job.’ ‘She got her lips done? She MUST be attention seeking.’ Why does this disgust me so much, yet I will happily do it to myself? The constant self scrutiny is only making myself develop an unhealthy attitude about my body. I’d be happy to get fillers in my lips, breast implants and lose a few pounds, but why? I tell myself it’s for my own personal gain but is it really? Will my life change THAT much if I get those things? Probably not. I completely understand that others get these things for their own personal reasons, may it be body dysmorphia or purely because they just want to. I think that’s amazing, go for it. But for me? That’s probably not where these issues lie.
Growing up, I was constantly told I was beautiful. All of the time. It made my self confidence sky rocket and I truly believe it, I am beautiful. I love myself, just like everyone should. However I started getting called vain, self absorbed, that I’m ‘stuck up’ and that really hit my confidence. I started taking it out in myself. I told myself I needed to change to fit society standards of beauty. I was allowed to be pretty, but I wasn’t allowed to know it. As I was born with a facial disfigurement, I underwent a lot of surgery as a child and now I look totally different. I’m healthy, happy, free from pain. From the outside, my life probably looks like a pretty little picture of Instagram photos all neatly edited and posted. That’s not true. We all know that, everyone is like that, but does it matter?
This year, I want to STOP telling myself I’m fat, that my body isn’t nice, that I wish my hair was nicer or my makeup looked better. Who cares of my eye waters and my eyeliner smudges? Who cares if my hair has gone frizzy and flat. I don’t. So why do I care what others think of myself so much? I want to embrace life and start taking more opportunities to better my future and STOP WORRYING WHAT I LOOK LIKE ALL OF THE TIME. Stop putting myself down. SAY something when I see someone else being shamed for this. I don’t care what other people wear, why should they care about me?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always care that I’m dressed and presented nice, but I just need to stop obsessing so much. I need to stop letting what I look like dictate my life choices and how I feel about myself. I need to stop telling myself I’m not good enough because of the way I look. And if you do this too, so do you.
Here’s to a new start, 2016. Let’s all try our hardest to love ourselves and stop body shaming ourselves. Your body does not define you.