Divorce is a huge life change regardless of how long your marriage has been. Marriage often means that two people’s lives are inextricably intertwined. This could be in the form of children, shared assets such as houses or sometimes businesses.
The emotions surrounding divorce can be complex and strong. Typical feelings are sadness and anger, but you may also experience guilt, relief and even happiness. However you feel, these emotions are valid and normal.
The emotional impact of divorce
Divorce can unearth a number of feelings that you may not be expecting. The ‘typical’ feelings that many people expect are anger and sadness. You may also feel guilty, happy and even relieved. Whilst these are less talked about, they are just as valid.
These come from feelings of loss and uncertainty, as well as a sense of betrayal. Breaking marriage vows, for example, can lead to a lack of trust and a wall to be built to protect yourself.
Why anger is normal
Anger is the emotion that usually hits people first. It is easy to feel cross at the situation, at your former partner or even a third party. A perceived betrayal is often the cause of the anger such as adultery, hidden addictions and even financial infidelity. Whilst anger is normal, you mustn’t let it take over your life.
Biologically, anger is a protective emotion. Feeling angry can release a burst of adrenaline which, back in evolutionary times, could help you to deal with an emergency situation quicker. In modern times, that adrenaline shot still happens, so you need to find some way to channel it.
Understanding sadness after divorce
Sadness is often how outsiders will expect you to feel when navigating a divorce. You may feel sad about the life you have had to give up, especially if you have been married for a long time. Some divorcees compare the sadness they feel to mourning – mourning the person they once loved, the life they had and the relationship they had to give up.
Sadness, whilst an intense negative feeling, can also be turned into a positive. You can use it as a way to reflect upon yourself and your new direction in life. Sometimes, sadness can help you to see life in a new way by identifying areas you want to change.
Coping strategies and moving forward
One of the most important things you can do if you are struggling with your emotions following a divorce is to seek support. This could be opening up to friends and family, or consulting a divorce lawyer to help you navigate the legal process. Talking to people will help you process the situation and accept your emotions.
Remember to be patient with yourself. A huge life upheaval affects all aspects of your life so it will take you time to heal from.
Leave a Reply